= lavinia🦆 — turning my back, again, on friends, family, the only people in the world who gave a damn if I lived to see tomorrow, —

= lavinia🦆 — turning my back on loyalty and my own wretched humanity. I couldn’t escape who I was, even if I felt only contempt —

= lavinia🦆 — for the man lingering beneath all of that frustration and indifference, the one who |felt| things, the one who —

= lavinia🦆 — recognized humanity and wanted to protect it, the one with a good heart that only equated to trouble. ¦ There’s no —

= lavinia🦆 — going back. There’s no cure. There’s no way to get |rid| of it. ¦ My voice was gruff with exasperation and —

= lavinia🦆 — animosity - not at her, at what we |were|, at |myself|, for being so foolish as to have passed on this curse |again| —

= lavinia🦆 — when I knew better, let alone to the daughter of a dear friend. I barely glanced up, though I felt the desperation in —

= lavinia🦆 — her wide-eyed stare as I sat there in defeat, gradually pulling myself up, back to my feet, in no hurry to continue —

= lavinia🦆 — the merrygoround of emotions that would follow. Hours, days, of protest, denial, anger, resentment, annoyance… I —

= lavinia🦆 — came to stand again with my back to the wall, eyes still lowered to the floor where they usually remained, avoiding —

= lavinia🦆 — contact just as I did physically, as much a habit to avoid interaction, notice, as it was to escape connection, the —

= lavinia🦆 — desire to engage or wonder or want for more. It was easiest when I removed myself entirely, denied of all —

= lavinia🦆 — stimulation, communication. Black and white. Alone. Retreating to something simpler. Away from people. Away from —

= lavinia🦆 — complications, obligations. Kill or be killed. Live another day. Rinse and repeat. I could have explained more —

= lavinia🦆 — tactfully, but I suddenly just felt |tired|. Drained of any emotion save irascibility, cynicism, as my eye began to —

= lavinia🦆 — swell shut, bruising, no doubt, pain radiating outward from the fractured bone in my cheek, probably to heal within —

= lavinia🦆 — the next half hour.. ¦ Your sole purpose in existing now is to kill. Vampires. They do exist. That’s why you’re —

= lavinia🦆 — stronger, more capable. You can do what you want, but you will always be driven to kill, beyond your control. And —

= lavinia🦆 — there’s nothing you can do about it, so you might as well get used to it. You’re just like your parents now.

Active.