I didn't realize I was supposed to know how to do everything by my second rodeo. That's still a very low number of rodeos.

Just be a good person the rest is misunderstood.

I wouldn't say that I'm an emotional wreck - it's more of an impassioned fender bender situation.

I got nothing against mutants or ninjas or turtles, but teenagers are a whole other story.

be happy. enjoy the outdoors. nap. love a good meal. play. forgive. and stay loyal to a fault. live like your dog.

Sometimes I throw a little inspiration around my TL to keep you all going. You’re welcome.

The poetry of jazz.

more people with substance please.

Boss: Do you have any experience in management? Me: [flashbacks of bossing everyone around for over 40 years] No, but I'm a fast learner.

In honor of Super Bowl weekend, I just went and dumped Gatorade on my sleeping kids.

When you go somewhere new, it gives you new places to dream of.

before twitter we had to do shit like get casey kasem to long distance dedicate double vision by foreigner to ann in arbor michigan

If everyone is deleting their Facebook accounts, where will their thoughts and prayers go?

i measure my depression by the amount of objects that are on my bed when i go to sleep