men’s “hear me out”: a conventionally attractive woman with slightly shorter-than-average hair

women’s “hear me out”:

being on your phone at home in your free time: this sucks and i’m wasting my life away

being on your phone at work:

He is Risen. and by He. haha well. lets justr say. my peanits

telling my kids they were Adam and Eve

my girl sprays this into my enclosure when i tweet good

“enjoy your twenties, these are the best years of your life”

the twenties:

Nature is so funny to me like what do you mean there's a fish that gets so horny its body changes irreversibly

Got my first pap smear and they used this?

She died doing what she loved. Walking into the road while saying 'Pedestrians have right of way'

░P░U░S░S░Y
I░N░
░B░I░O░M░E

The Unkown arrives at the 2024 #BRITs The Unknown Stuns!

Local Man Beats Homosexual Allegations By Grinding On A Metal Pole Freak Style In His Tank Top And Denim Cutoffs

as a woman I REFUSE to make myself small for YOUR comfort unless YOU are my CAT and you are sleeping on my bed like a little baby prince boy I will contort and accommodate and give you five thousand head kisses ready set muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah mua

michael bluth: we have to get dad out of prison

tobias funke subplot:

We'll make so much money, give out chocolate, the kids will love it, I'll be willy, it'll be great.
Aw yeah, and I'll be the unknown.
What?
The unknown, man. The evil chocolate maker that lives in the walls.
What kind of movie were you watching?
There's a movie?

now that it’s getting warmer i can finally start dressin

what’s wrong babe, you’ve barely touched your reese’s ballsack

Finally I can get rid of my meat based tangle teezer

congratulations on your new baby! thank you for posting their length and weight so I can accurately assess how big of a threat they are