Me and a guy whos a lil gay

incredible that barcelona has a wario next door

“This is going to ruin the tour,” I whisper when my PTO request gets denied

They shoulda just done hot ones and whoever lived can have it

“You have the morals of an alley cat,” is like something you sing about the Grinch.

You ever just get overwhelmed by how gentle animals can be This living thing covered in spikes has tiny little sucker feets and is carefully holding onto their finger. How can you not love life

i think about this tweet a lot

doctor: do you smoke or drink me: yes doctor: ok me: are u mad at me

[motion to add away message capabilities to imessage] Apple who can I speak to about this and my many other revolutionary ideas for our dystopian overlords?

if I’ll spontaneously put on jeans for you, that’s true love

food for thought: egg salad is basically scrambled deviled eggs

sometimes I think orange juice could make me cum

we are on a trajectory that cannot be stopped 🏇