Best Girl Scout cookie. I will die on this hill.

Imma make a headphone brand called Beets by Dwight

Stella is a natural model for Anheuser-Busch products 🤩#PupweiserContest Budweiser

Just played a 20 minute song on touch tunes does this make me a menace to society

People who sing during the national anthem are worse than airline clappers

snake WHO TF UNFOLLOWED MY BOY 😡😡🤬 we comin for u

scooby dooby doo where are you ᵃⁿᵈ ⁱ'ᵐ ˢᵒ ˢᵒʳʳʸ

Drunk nickelback is like drunk cigs, it doesn’t count

I asked my girl if she wanted to go to Seaworld on a date. She said “OMG THAT SOUNDS SO CUTE” so I left that bitch cuz it’s fuck Seaworld.

HOT SOUP

the dentist yanked that dangly thing in my throat and it made the Taco Bell sound and now he’s taking notes

I’m sitting outside listening to my uncle go on about how climate change was a scam. I said Uncle Jim it’s Christmas Eve, we outside eating and you’re wearing a short sleeve shirt🤡😭😭#bozo #getownedbyurnephew #sit

Every day that an online recipe is posted with a useless 300 word essay making me have to hunt for the actual instructions we stray further from god

Put a lil Hi-C in my champagne call it a McMosa

He’s a 10 but he was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning he breaks his legs, and every afternoon he breaks his arms. At night he lies awake in agony until his heart attacks put him to sleep.

If Stranger Things was British.

you got a fast car i got a plan to get us out of here

Emo version??? Lmaooooooo 🤘🏾👨🏿‍🎤

heavy is the crab that ran the goon