He's making his list... He's checkin' it twice. He left it at home. He's texting his wife.

Normalize asking “are you okay, my beauty?” after you rip one

Oh Amazon no, please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year, that is none of my business

Nice try TJ , your bots didn’t get this signed Mark Titus though! The Yak

I get a lot of flack for my Jack Schlossberg opinions, but I’m going to stand on business with this one. A man who lost his sister hours prior, who is trying to hold it together in front of a little boy who just lost his mother, is not a scoop. Unnecessary, unhelpful, cruel.

You can crap a poop and you can poop a shit and you can shit a turd but you can't turd a crap. This is what They don't want you noticing.

When the weather gets warmer I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesn’t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.

Sorry my bad - when i said 'let's pick this back up in the new year,' I meant 'let's never speak of this again.' Should've been more clear

I gotta shower then brush my fucking teeth? What’s next, I go to fucking work? What the fuck

I've lost years of my life to two-factor authentification

The next 3 days will be a full coverage days..you "liability only" drivers stay home.

One day you're young. The next day you're sitting on the edge of your bed like this

Me on january 1: “2026 is my year" Me on january 28th 2026:

i done felt every 29 days of January, every single one

Knew a dude who emailed the IT guy directly instead of submitting a ticket and they blew his shit smoove off

Honored to be a part of something so huge

Driving on Michigan roads when the snow melts.

We have left the planet earth

Millennials living through 2 economic recessions, 9/11, a global pandemic, 8 stock market crashes, jobs replaced by AI, and WW3 before hitting 43