what the fucj

whenever i hear a skateboard going down my street it triggers my fight or flight

learning French has really encouraged me to live in the moment because I currently cannot conjugate any other verb tense

if you think about it an espresso martini is really just a four loko with a college degree

the CDC says fully vaccinated individuals can now enter the danimals sweepstakes to win a trip to hollywood and hang out with zack and cody

becoming a class traitor ((drinking brita filtered water)

took me 23 years to realize that the meaning of life is to just walk aroudn

maybe he’s born with it, maybe he’s just 6’5

once again i present, for your consideration…. me, flirting:

I love to take a daily probiotic to promote good gut health and then have 17 tequila sodas

what if we kissed… at the catholic total abstinence fountain …? 👉👈

in other news… today in the family group chat:

strutting off the subway to work like a manhattanite girl boss but really im listening to frosty the snowman

you want me to go to a dinner party. the thing that killed jesus

I don’t often get sick but when I do I instantly become a frail victorian child asking mother for permission to be carried into the garden to see the sun one last time before the consumption takes hold

Halfway through this book and can’t put it down