I can make a pizza from scratch, and can make lasagna out of zucchini but I can't make a Freaken omelet

Watching Drunk History episode "New York" for the 15th time. I love this one.

I laugh way too hard at this every time I see it.

The smile I give girls when they look at me

My jaw has been hurting for a good part if the day. FML

I can relate very well to this

You were born to give the enemy something to be scared of. Joel Osteen

Watching @ghostsharkmovie while eating rice cakes. Great night.

About to hit the gym. Yaaaaaay. 😒 jk I love it 😜

Living with an alcoholic is amazingly fun. You get to hear a 55 year old man sound like a child and your mom struggle to get them up.

It's times like these I just wanna leave but can't. Alcoholism is a sad and stupid thing. For everyone who knows and alcoholic, I'm sorry

@cheekbonesx4 what's up?!

@cheekbonesx4 hahaha idk, thought you'd like that. Makes me horny

@cheekbonesx4 hey.........I got you

@cheekbonesx4 I stocked you. Jk your account just popped up. I thought you only had an instegram.