“you take everything as a joke” me:

A beautiful woman like me should never be in Microsoft Teams

Some people’s vices are smoking or gambling, while mine is a little drunk text. Just a little innocent text at 4AM. Or perhaps a phone call? At the end of the day, I’m just a girl! Take me away, officer.

I don’t like who I become when I’m around a cheese board. Very greedy and competitive

and this is still the most romantic ending ever written!

When I was a tiny baby a witch put a curse on me to eat chips

I don’t even know how I communicated before the “🫡” emoji

You’ll be having a good day and here comes a cyber truck.

A TCU Horned Frog will be the next President and CEO at Nike. Shoutout Elliott Hill

you gotta hold me extra tight at night because i’ll get up and go to the club

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Dry January unless there’s a tequila soda

If ur man isn't taking you to Chili’s tonight break up with him!!!!!!

sorry boss i can’t come in to work today i’m gonna be playing outside

nobody wants to even LOOK at the dessert menu anymore and that’s the problem with society

does anyone know what to do. like in general

tiny bikini, big sandwich. that’s what summer is all about, kind of.