I'd do way more with my life if going in public didn't require having to tame my hair.

I can't be the only one who thinks award shows are fucking snoozefests, right? #yawn #oscars

Relationship status: Keep having to rewind Netflix cause I can't hear what's happening over my chewing.

Boozy brunches are what life is all about.

So high, I keep trying to fast forward through the commercials of the basketball game I'm watching live...

Early morning workouts make me question my identity.

I'd rather do just about anything other than blowdry my hair right now.

HOW IS IT ONLY WEDNESDAY

I'd follow my heart, but I'd prefer to follow my stomach.

Pizza in bed > Breakfast in bed. But pizza for breakfast in bed trumps all. 🍕

Does it count as exercise if your eggs run? #Eggsercise

I don't know what I'm doing with my hair or my life.

The least favorite part of my week is washing my hair.

I have nightmares about washing my hair.

BUT WHY IS THERE A CLOWN EMOJI?!?! 😫😱😭

If you think the faces I make when I'm putting on mascara are weird, you should see me when I straighten my hair. 😳

When is "Bring Your Bed to Work Day"?

Does not being able to button your jeans count as a good excuse for being late for work?

And they lived happily ever after.

My life is being held together by dry shampoo.