God I’d still follow Hamilton into Hell.

I’m full-aware having an animal that uses your money and lives with you is not at all equivalent to raising a human child to function in this world ; however there is a teeny v special place in heaven for those who send a ‘happy dog mom’ text to a bitch & I’m here to say it.

I miss Tito so much.

[i love them all dearly] h/e it’s so funny to me when the men I work with use the only restroom in shop [open to the public] & leave the toilet seat up #telling #baffled

Guys, a pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

Idk man, idk.

Listening to full grown men chat on video games is the silliest lil thing. Apparently none of us are outgrowing it.

I’m an adamant dog-lover, full stop. I need to know, are larger dogs smarter than mini dogs, just based on size [of their brain]? Scenario: is the cat I’m bffs w/ smarter than the chihuahua I just pat? Asking 4 a friend. The friend is me. Come w/ citations or don’t come.

I wish I was going through puberty with pimples on my chin instead of just having a pimple on my chin.

If you can’t beat the fear just do it scared. -GD

I saw a comedian mention an app idea where childless women can offer chores to busy moms and it really got me thinking about how great I’d be at helping sell Girl Scout cookies 🍪

Vet here, if you bring in your beloved pet for it's final time and you walk out of the room, we do judge you, the fear in that pets eyes when you leave it is worse than the actual euthanasia. I waive the fee for owners that stay. It's not often enough though.

Weird thought: I’m grateful to have a second toe that isn’t longer than my big toe; however, if I did have a long second toe other people’s feet might not freak me out as much as they do.

The Baltimore Ravens are actually the Cleveland Browns #fwm

Everything used to be better.

🐱: oh you’re brushing your teeth? I’d actually prefer you to finish in the shower so I can drink straight from the faucet, plebeian.

A lot of taking care of the cat is lifting him up so he can see places he can’t reach 🤷🏻‍♀️