The US government’s Cookie Safety and Security board:

• Cookie Monster
• 4 hungry toddlers
• Me after skipping lunch then ripping a bong
• YouTube guy whose whole channel is just him eating lots of cookies
• A cartoon car that uses cookies as fuel

The US government’s Cookie Safety and Security board:

• Cookie Monster
• 4 hungry toddlers
• Me after skipping lunch then ripping a bong
• YouTube guy whose whole channel is just him eating lots of cookies
• A cartoon car that uses cookies as fuel

To optimize good sleep before bed:
-Take a hot bath
-Get blackout curtains
-Watch 200 4-second videos 3 inches from your face
-Practice deep breathing

everyone calls millenials weak but we’re the first generation who knows we’re going to boil to death in the ocean and we still show up everyday at a job to market sunglasses

can’t believe this is how i learned there are only 3 men in UK

Crazy suspicious considering next week Young Sheldon planned to testify against Boeing

UPDATE: The Justice Department has been found dead of suspected suicide

“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”

'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.'

“The worm that ate part of my brain will not affect my ability to serve as president.”

Based the amount of brain damage it was the worm from Dune

Was this written by a hawk?

absolutely exposed this fool

We’re watching history in the making here to bear witness to the first man with zero (0) rizz

the two types of guys you meet in Austin

Excited and humbled to announce I'll be directing the live-action movie based on whatever you call this kind of cup from the 90s