my girlfriend talks in her sleep. i've noted them down for weeks, and turned her dreams into rupi kaur poems.

please everyone look at this duck

please don’t take away birth control the last thing the world needs is more americans

Gay marriage has now been around longer than the Confederacy.

Build statues for that you cowards.

My parents are stressed out that dog groomers aren’t open because Furby’s hair just keeps getting bigger and bigger

what is their soundcloud twitter.com/i/status/12512…

OK, buckle up. I wanna talk to you about Triscuit.

oh to be a yellow lab napping on a windowsill overlooking a canal in Bruges

me when I have the sniffles

My work here is done.

... And on the 8th day, God made Matthew McConaughey

Retweet for a chance to win beer for a year #BirdieLight #Sweepstakes

Mom: “Come help me get the groceries out of the car”

Me: