if protein’s meant for me, it’ll find me, no matter what i eat. gm.

Not even remotely my problem

i am ready for another shot at it being my birthday

Pig CEO: (wistfully gazing at the neighborhood he grew up in from the Hog Industries penthouse office) I miss my trough

you know im such a fool for you

I don’t even know what I did THIS summer

putting hotdogs on my resume

The business I stood on was operating at a loss

i hope one day i will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. everyday i sleep tomorrow, even yesterday i slept today

we’re not on squeaking terms

I love having people 2 myself I’m #selfish

“So is uber a full time gig for you?”

feels good af to eat 40 pieces of salami and let your phone die overnight

The late bird gets the much cooler "night worm"

Afters is built on a foundation of enjoying one’s friends’ company so much that you would rather never go to bed, reviving the secret magic of children still whispering after the lights go out at a sleepover

i love saying “why would i lie” when i’m lying

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad

There is a man trapped inside the Bean

today in group therapy i said i want to start advocating for myself and the guy behind me went “type shit”