Oh, you like summer camps ? Name all kinds of ants

Singing ''That Lovin' Feelin' '' with emotional thoughts about the food I just ate

Some folk just ooze creepiness.

Did it ever occur to you that you just might not be all that attractive!

Drawing fake track marks on my arm so I don't have to hold my wife’s friend’s baby when they come over for dinner tonight.

Still today!

Never giving up on something you really want.

I do this cute thing when I complain about my tummy and then eat more cheese.

I now only want to sneeze disapprovingly like a dog

My tombstone will read ~

“HE NEVER JOINED TikTok”

Sarcasm can save the day.

My therapist gave me my money back again.

If my dogs bother you, I would be more than happy to put you outside.

My husband threw away my leftover tater tots and I just don’t know how we move on from this.

10 years ago I lost my “Big Baby” she was very unique I still miss her so much

When are the orcas gonna start capsizing boats again?

A woman can decide between a man or a bear, but not between Chinese or Mexican for dinner.

I like Mondays when the weather is nice and the sky is blue... 😎🌞
No just kidding. I only like Mondays when they are a holiday like today. 😜

I feel like I'm getting more and more tired of you. And that you're not worth the wait.

If you don't stay up all night on Sunday’s thinking of an excuse to call in sick to work .... Well then, fuck you.