Who the fuck took my charger??

A game the whole family can play

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny... then all of a sudden you know trigonometry

Who you are while driving behind a really shitty driver is the real you

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast

The struggles in the 80’s when trying to find out what time a movie started was real

Whiskey. Getting shit done since I started drinking it.

What in the fuck do you keep in that weird box on the roof of your car?

Ima cash app you to put your top back on

Needing it.

And by it I mean connection, desire, hope, and shared experiences

I have never met a ferret owner that isn't creepy as fuck.

Around and around we no.

Hairball for your thoughts?

My family: Where's the rest
Me, stuggling to swallow , look normal and speak at the same time: What?

Me: One medicine to go, please!
Pharmasist: wHo let THis oNE in again

People don’t change and neither does their stupidity.

I appreciate and value good sarcasm.

You deserve a “I wanna make lasagna for you” type of love

Do you actually believe in the power of positive thoughts?

Someone asked me what movie has the saddest ending ….. by far “The Mist”