It's my emotional support apathy

Well, it ain't called cann'tibalism for a reason now is it

I hope that you smile today

The customer is NOT always right. Sometimes the customer is a malignant ghoul crawling out of a rancid pit of selfishness looking to cause drama and misery because their life is so unfulfilling. Have a nice day 😃

J-lo: “I want some boots that make me look like I’m taking a shit everywhere i sit”

Last night, I had to listen to an 80 year old man tell me how he wants to meet a woman, but she has to be very hot and 45 - 50 yrs old.... if you were wondering if men ever stop being awful.

Okay Sharon, thanks for the hot tits in profile heads-up. 'Preesh

Pre-order my new book, “Brian of DC Roofing and Waterproofing in Rocklin, CA Sent Me Dick Pics & Related Tales of the Audacity of Men” on Amazon soon.

My 17-year-old is telling me all of the prom drama and rejection stories and holy shit, you guys, love is war.

17: My friend will be here in 5 minutes.

Me: I’ll go in my room.

17: You can say hi to him.

Me: It’s ok.

17: I’m not really that embarrassed of you.

Me: Okay but I just don’t want to put pants on.

17: Go to your room.

Last 24 hours:

-Mid-date realization that guy I’m dating isn’t the one. Told him.

-My brand new car was hit and run in parking lot.

-Tore foot open with pressure washer, hurts bad.

-Drove 30 min. to return jeans, two days over return limit.

-Going to bed now at 6pm.

Sad to report that if you just get up and start doing things, they get done.

There should be a better way though.

I get it, Tay Tay. I, too, have dated some very pretty, very stupid men in my lifetime.

Another day, another are you fucking kidding me

The condescending bloviations will continue until morale improves now back to work

Drake and Rick Ross dissing each other over whose mansion is bigger and whose private jet is nicer, while many are struggling to afford groceries, just sums up the world in a nutshell

Making life happen today. Waiting for life to happen doesn’t seem to work out

Idk, I mean, some things compare to you.

When the motivational speaker asked the audience 'what value have you contributed to this world?' saying 'out of pocket shit on the internet' was not the correct answer. Apparently

if you call my chihuahua a good boy he will take your face off