ICE COLD FACT 💎 Happy Mother’s Day ❤️

Drop your best farts

I’ll go first …🧵

Good morning 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏆

#AsOne

An extra-special match day programme to mark the 1984 Grand Slam 💙

Not at the game? Buy online here ➡️ bit.ly/3uxsHg3

I don’t know what the Scots did to the universe cause it fucking hates them.

#SCOvFRA

Chilled weekend

The good news: the year is ending. The bad news: I’m told there’ll be another.

Word of the day, should it be needed, is ‘apanthropy’ (18th century): a love of solitude, an aversion to other people, and the desire to be left alone.

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Going to bed at 7.30pm is actually a very rock and roll thing to do. What better way to express your sheer disdain for the world than by checking out for 10 hours?

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Wishing the lovers, the dreamers, and you a very hoppy weekend!

Tonight’s vibe: Gonna lay on the floor and listen to sad country while I watch the fan spin

With my advancing age, I like to keep my mind active by plotting revenge.

The earth wants us dead & I respect the hell out of that.

eggy pop: n. A brief, yet pungently sulphurous, air omelette that could seriously vitiate a bystander's lust for life.

There should be a pill that turns the contents of your colon to gas, so you never need to take a dump and can just crop dust your way through life.