The United States is the only major obstacle to progress in the world.

SO CLOSE

ZEUS: darling can we talk
HERA: no
ZEUS: but sweetheart, its just that hephaestus says you threw him off the mountain
HERA: so?
ZEUS: he says you told him to 'wheel himself back up'
HERA: and
ZEUS: well, its just the tiniest bit ableist, treasure
HERA: why. clearly he managed it

we’re about an hour away 😈

this is fucking amazing

see you babes in 2 hours ✨ #JordanCon2024

Gordan Ramsey be in them people restaurants sticking his hands in a bucket of expired chicken talkin about SMELL IT

ooooooooooh a bitch is high

In a perfect world, our government would simply regulate runaway vehicle bloat. We don’t live in that world yet, so in the meantime it’s our duty to go online and make fun of truck guys who buy 6,000-lb tanks to shuttle between their job at a bank and happy hour at Chili’s

BRAIN ROOMBA

Imagine killing thousands of children just to build a few more houses

This mf is evil incarnate

*Boston town square, 1787*

Alexander Hamilton: 'Vigor of government is essential to the security of liberty!'

Lisa46064070887: 'Sir! My nudes in profile!'

got stuff from the thrift store to make a bangin costume for friday 😌

it is very funny that anyone intrigued by the fallout show will be pointed to a ten year old video game with no sequel inbound for at least ten more years

Uhm what’s with younger queers hating when straight people use “partner” for the SO??? We literally asked them to do that. We spent YEARS asking them to do that so it would be normalized and we weren’t immediatley outed in unsafe situations. KEEP SAYING PARTNERS

this is why i dont like dating people who could actually overpower me and why i lift lmao

me: lmao i saw it on twitter

them: what’s your twitter

me: i don’t have twitter

i can’t believe i got the keys to a new house, got a promotion at work and bagged myself a boyfriend all in the space of a week 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 forgot how good the sims 4 is

I’m not waiting 3 months in to find out you’re the weed man.