i dont simply go through airport security. i have a goal. i want everyone in line to be blown away by my efficiency. i want to be celebrated as i push my belongings across the table. i want TSA to offer me a job (i’ll decline). i want people talking about me at their gate. glory.

The people upset about Kavanaugh’s protesters are going to lose their minds when they find out what’s been happening outside Planned Parenthoods for decades and why there’s such a thing as a “clinic escort” to get terrified 19-year-olds from the parking lot into the building.

Searching for all that mental health support legislation passed by politicians claiming this is a “mental health issue” like…

Deb Fischer & Ben Sasse voted against advancing a bi-partisan gun safety bill introduced in response to the mass slaughters in Buffalo, N.Y., and Uvalde, Texas, that left 31 people dead, including 19 school children.

So Senator Deb Fischer and Ben Sasse, when do we get an explanation on why you voted against a bipartisan gun safety bill that FIFTEEN of your Republican colleagues supported? Truly mystifying, can’t wait to hear it.

I truly believe that if the forefathers were told that over 200 years from the time they wrote the Constitution it would still be the end all be all for all major decisions in this country they’d laugh and call us idiots. Let’s write laws now for year 4050 and see how they hold

With everybody grandstanding about loans felt it was good time to remind people Barstool qualified for PPP. We decided against asking for money cause we didn’t need it. Instead we raised 40 million for small businesses who did. Yet we’re viewed as bad guys by both lunatic fringes

By the way the fact that Kanye is being defended along political lines is again EVERYTHING that is wrong with this county. The guy is a piece of shit. It shouldn’t matter what your politics are. If you can’t see that you are part of the problem end of story.

I need to know who watches The Masked Singer. Identify yourselves.

Every year since 2016, over 3,500 children or teens have been killed by guns in America. You know what has not killed a single child or teen in any year in history? Drag performances.

This guy gets it

We knew someone was going to be the a$&@*%e. Thanks for your service, Skip, as usual. You idiot.

Thoughts and prayers to all those brave men out there recovering from minor outpatient surgery this weekend. Don’t forget to schedule that follow up, guys.

Playoffs don’t start until Draymomd stomps on someone

If there was a Heisman for beating 1-5 teams this guy would win it

god isn’t necessarily giving me his hardest battles, but he’s certainly giving me some of his dumbest battles

Taylor Swift ruined football blah blah blah… Of course she did. She had a marvelous time ruining everything. We established this 4 years ago. Keep up.

not surprised men think 54 seconds is a long time

Alabama: Embryos are babies. Me: Oh, so we can't deport mothers carrying American citizens. Alabama: Wait. Me: Also dudes are on the hook for child support nine months earlier. Alabama: No. Not like that!

Should’ve stuck to sports! 🤦🏻‍♀️