Good work Brighton Sausage Company

Wife: “So what have you and the dog been up to while I’ve been at work? I’ll bet you’ve just sat on your ass watching sport.”

Me and the dog:

he looks like a very kindhearted mouse who got turned into a prince

An important article highlighting just how much more there is to do to improve care for ALL women...

independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-n…

It’s nearly May and it’s 11°C, we have two Tory parties, no-one’s had a proper pay rise since 2008, and Ketchup costs more than a bottle of plonk happy to help x

Happy feet..🦆😍

New email signature just dropped

I hate Carrie too but the only one that was a girls' girl was Samantha.

Forrest asking Jenny whether little Forrest is smart will get me EVERY time.

Forrest Gump is back on Netflix UK & Ireland

how to get a girl:

I love Chris Pine, he is such a natural weirdo. I don’t know if his vibe is theatre kid or coastal Californian or what, but we should just get him do his thing. He is happy, he is thriving, he is hydrated and in his lane, he is enjoying life and we are all just along for the ride

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The librarians saw my daughter’s excitement at returning a book into the Dropbox, and they offered to take us on a tour “behind the scenes” to see their conveyor belt system for returned books! She LOVED it!

it's another lovely spring day to REMIND YOU DELINQUENTS TO STOP 'RESCUING' BABY ANIMALS. THEIR MOMS ARE MOST LIKELY NEARBY - SO MIND YOUR BUSINESS.

FAWNS, DROP EM'.
BIRDS, LEAVE EM'.
RACCOONS, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
FOXES?! -SWIPER NO SWIPING.
ARMADILLO?¿? ARMADILL-NO.

Did you ever have a moment when you felt *too British*? I did, when paying for a couple of hot dogs and drinks in Brooklyn about 9 years ago.

ME: Ah, sorry. I’ve only got a fifty if that’s OK?

SERVER: S’alright, man. When you ballin’ you ballin’.

ME: Ha! . . . yes.

Age 25: I need cute shoes for this event.

Age 45: I need cute shoes for this event that I can also wear to work and walk several miles in, don’t make me look old or like I’m trying too hard, won’t hurt my little toe or lower back, will last a minimum of 10 years & are on sale.