Vatican investigates possible miracle as UK government inexplicably finds £10bn for energy bills just 24 hours after the Sue Gray report.

Never trust a man in a pub who drinks bottled beer.

After failing to get a single plane off the tarmac, Priti Patel lands lucrative role as head of EasyJet summer scheduling.

I don’t understand how the British ever conquered all these hot places.

While we are focusing on keeping cool….high time we had a national outdoor swimming pool programme. We are a bloody mad country not to do this anyway for health.

Has anyone ever told Geraint Thomas he could choose literally any pair of sunglasses he wants? #TDF2022

Remember when it was against government rules to sit on a park bench? We are only ever a hair’s breath away from authoritarianism.

ANNOUNCEMENT 📣 Calling all teachers 😀 We want you to be fitter and healthier than ever this year, so we're giving you all 3 months on the Body Coach App absolutely FREE 🙌 (only official work/school email addresses will be accepted) Please RT 🙏 👉🏼 bit.ly/3CCFkrU

Run, Rabbit, Run!

Fuck me, he’s nailed it. Every word. 👇

A Prime Minister may fall today. Soak up the history, guys. Days like today only come around every couple of months

This

Just heard Bear Grylls on Louis Theroux saying he doesn't call it an 'alarm clock' he calls it an 'opportunity clock' and I think I could use my vagina as sandpaper now

This is very sad news....I'm told the reason the marriage broke up was that she found out her her husband had kids in America dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/arti…

Well, if I couldn’t win, I thought I might as well try and help an old mate out. Call it an early retirement pressie Mark Cavendish 🤣 Chapeau mate 👌 #Giro

Cyclists of Twitter. Please share this event which is raising money for a great cause, in memory of a great #Veteran who sadly lost his battle with #PTSD last year. UKCycleChat™ UKTriChat™️ Cycling Weekly 220 Triathlon

Hey O2 just a quick note to say how useless your customer service is. How is it this deal is online… but not available on your ONLINE app? Switching to a new provider now 👌

Officer wives have written to the Telegraph and looks like new beard policy has been binned

#OTD in 1999, Oliver Reed died during the filming of Gladiator. He had consumed 8 pints, 12 shots of rum, half a bottle of whisky, and cognac after challenging sailors from HMS Cumberland to a drinking contest. He then defeated several sailors in armwrestling before collapsing.

Standing in the queue at the Post Office makes time feel likes it’s standing still. Got to be a better way of doing this.