TECH BRO: In the future, we’ll have have virtual reality without needing a headset. ME: We have that already. It’s called dementia.

So many classes on how to be a comedian, but none on how to be an audience member.

Happy Mother’s Day to my favorite emergency contact.

As unfinished AI that barely works and can’t replicate actual human creativity convinces millions that everyone from lawyers to writers to photographers are replaceable, thank god we’re represented by geriatrics clinging to power in defiance of God with no interest in regulation.

The great thing about global warming is eventually the beach will come to you.

Check out our list of the top Technology Keynote Speakers for 2023! loom.ly/bwqqiWk Dr. Michio Kaku Jason Silva John Imah Justin Kan Paige Holland-Thielen Mackey McCandlish Slava Rubin Jeff Greenspan John McElligott Josh Linkner Alexa Clay Garry Kasparov Brian David Johnson

Everyone needs to stop panicking about AI doing art. After a while it'll start to have imposter syndrome, crippling anxiety, an inferiority complex, a superiority complex, financial and existential dread and it'll probably just stop on its own.

My neighbor is yelling "OK Google" so loudly I am concerned for Google's safety

shoutout to my yahoo email address who has been running cover for over 20 years. out here rawdogging all my fast food coupons, trial memberships, and whatever other freaky shit i sign up for, just so my gmail can stay crisp. thank you, Yahoo Mail

They're not "homeless people" They're "people experiencing late-stage capitalism."

Such a thin line between determined and delusional.

Can't we just send both sides a "Mission Accomplished" banner and be done with it?

FYI - Think twice before subscribing to cookunity - they constantly deliver damaged or incomplete meals, and the app frequently doesn't work as promised. What makes it even more frustrating after multiple interactions with their customer service - things don't improve.

And a bullet gets added to the list of things meant to kill him but instead made him stronger.

I will say, this attempted assassination does make him look presidential.

The only sensible response to this must be to invade Iraq.

When will he announce his crouching mate?

Facebook claimed a lot of credit for the Arab Spring, but has taken none for the American fall.

We are all stardust, traveling light years across the universe to arrive here. Yet ask someone where they're from and they say some bullshit like Poughkeepsie. The last mile gets all the credit.

Hey Robert F. Kennedy Jr, you pledged that if elected, you'd build a statue to Edward Snowden. Well, as Secretary of HHS, will you accept, or find a home for, one that's already been made? jeffgreenspan.com/snowden