Whenever I explain the difference between sarcasm and irony, I only do so ironically.*

*I'm actually being sarcastic here.**

**which is what makes it ironic.

I know it's odd for a man, but I do like to file my nails

I'm watching Fallout, pretty good so far. Weirdly, although I'd never heard of the game it is based on, I'd obviously picked up a lot of its iconography because this guy seemed REALLY familiar to me.

Shout out to the young woman in Tesco who, when asked for ID, yelled 'oh my god, do I really look that young?!' and then it turned out she was 17.

(Inventing bathroom stalls)

Guy: should the door touch the ground

Other guy: how would we see their shoes?

This is actually really nice, but it better not be another trick.

I learned the hard way on twitter that if someone says to you 'Do you think you're funny?' or 'Do you struggle to get jokes?', there's no way of arguing against them that doesn't make you look terrible and desperate, including 'Well I did this joke that was popular...'

Concierge: I'm afraid we're all booked up this evening
Me: Maybe this will change your mind *slides bill across desk*
Concierge: Sir...
Me: If you want the rest of your duck you'll find us a table

Me: Can I compare you to a poem?

Her: I'm not a verse

Words getting stolen to mean something else generally implies it's filling a gap. So we need another word for Brits that specifically means 'holidaying in Britain', and we currently don't have it.

What connects these characters?
Clue: far right is Kung Fu Panda's Master Crane, voiced by David Cross.

I get it when it's a lesser-known actor or someone who later became famous, but I keep seeing people giving A-list names for this. Does no-one else look at the credits when a film starts? You didn't see both were Johnny Depp?

'If confident, why block trolls?' is a silly argument. Confident, happy people are welcome to remove tiresome bores from their timeline.

Before Breaking Bad, Giancarlo Esposito seemed to be different every time but now everyone wants a variant of Gus Fring.

I don't get people being surprised to discover this is the same guy. He's 6'6' and incredibly distinctive!