We condemn this Iranian statement. They are marking Jews for death, just because they are Jews. Germany is the only nation that has learned from its history. That is why we support #Israel's righteous war against the antisemitic people of Iran and the Palestinian territories.

We call on all parties to exercise restraint and respect international law. Iran must not react to Israeli or US bombardment. Israel has the right to defend itself against Iran's violent speech and antisemitic glances. Iran must not acquire a nuclear bomb. Only Israel is allowed.

After hearing the chants at Glastonbury, we have come to a firm decision. We have decided to revive our V2 rocket program. Although the accuracy may be off by 10 kilometers, our goal is not accuracy but destruction, of the antisemitic Großbritanien.

We feel the utmost thanks to Israel for doing our dirty work. To show our gratitude, we have started a program to transport A400 planeloads full of dirty IDF uniforms (presumably soiled by the blood of antisemites) back to Germany, where we will dutifully wash them clean.

Just as their ancestor David threw stones at Goliath, these brave Jewish heroes have the right to defend themselves against our antisemitic media machine. We will ensure that there is a thorough investigation into the actions of these journalists.

We stand with Commissar von Schnurbein. Having constant "Bake Sales for Gaza" at the EU does indeed create ambient antisemitism. When a Jewish person (PBUH) hears the word "bake" in the context of the genocidal city known as Gaza, that can only remind them of the crematoria.