Me: what about the time I saw 400 sets of footprints in the snow

Jesus: pretty sure those were marching penguins

They won’t make my movie about the origins of Toaster Strudel. Because of woke

Her eyes were Gatorade blue.

Yesterday, Tord Reklev broke the record for sales on Metafy.

$7k in 2 hours.

All from his Master Class 👏

Just realized it’s Monday

it’s so fucked up how the gas station has a second nozzle of gasoline your car isn’t allowed to drink just to tempt you. let me give him the forbidden beverahe you cowards

Mark Strong is British Stanley Tucci

This is the type of decision you’d have to make it NBA 2K4

Um, that’s not Whitney Houston. It’s just a building

Local car dealership commercials are great because when I’m about to make a large purchase that will impact my credit for years I really want to entrust that decision to the goofiest dipshit imaginable

Where was his Oscar nom

I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna make an elf deck

Nobody appreciates my art

Lower back tattoo idea

Do you know what would happen if 20,000 US students suddenly went to Iran? The energy drink market in America would COLLAPSE

The name Ron is short for Wrong

i love living in the Stupid Future