Oh my Days! Alistair Barrie is doing a show tonight Alphabetti Theatre and even though you didn’t bother your arsed to see me you should go and see him! DO IT!

Just watching Nigella, she’s cooked a meal for one and eight of her friends are sharing it, I suspect they’re still on the gack!

Come join a bunch of the finest North East Comedians as they compete for the Howay The Laughs trophy!

Hosted by @thegavinwebster with Matt Reed, David Hadingham, Kelly Rickard, Ben Crompton, @Elainerobz, Anth Young, Seymour Leon Mace & Lauren Pattison!

🎟️: tinyurl.com/d5fzd93c

The Bank of England owns £800bn or so of government debt.

If it sells it now it will lose £150bn.

If it keeps it until it’s due for repayment it will lose next to nothing.

So why is it so keen to sell?

Could it be that it wants to use these losses to force austerity on the…

This is a brilliant example of the comedy community coming together for a sad but wonderful cause. Please support it if you can x

'BATHING WATERS IN THE BEST STATE EVER', screams the minister 'last year 93% were classified as ‘good’ or ‘excellent’'.

That's an impressive number; or is it? Your short 🧵for a Sunday morning. (1/7)

I just signed the petition calling on Boris Johnson's resignation honours to be blocked. Will you sign too? you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/bloc… via 38 Degrees

Looking forward to this..

Doing an experiment.

Some 316 MPs claimed their utility bills on expenses last year, with some members claiming more than £3,000 to cover their utilities.

Please retweet this if you think MPs should pay for their own gas and electric.

📰 Have you heard? We're heading to The Pavilion in Peterlee on Friday 3rd February

🎤 We'll be joined by David Hadingham, Stephanie Laing and Lee Kyle: Full stand up special on YT - Disco Twix

🎟️ Tickets for this show are £10 per person and are available from TicketSource

Details ➡️ hilaritybites.co.uk/show/peterlee-…

SAJID JAVID
Aug 20 Starts as paid adviser to investment bank JP MORGAN
May 21 JPM forms Morgan Health
June 21 Javid is Health Secretary
Nov 22 Morgan Health says aggressively investing in “promising healthcare companies”
Jan 23 Javid calls for NHS reform!
ft.com/content/663671…

This looks good

Nadhim Zahawi has agreed to pay the £3,000,000 tax bill he lied about and hid from HMRC.

He should be sent to jail for fraud.

RT if you want to see him in jail.

Thinking of starting a ‘Book Burning Club’. Any recommendations…?

I cannot fathom how people in England queued for DAYS to mourn a woman who lived a long and privileged life, but they aren’t rioting on the streets over the 500 avoidable deaths a WEEK caused by the Tories ruining the NHS.

Mate, you'd be deporting Jesus to Rwanda.
Fuck up

Can’t sleep! So much on my mind, bloody illuminati!

I am rushing to get home to my wife for 11 o’clock and the two minute silence! I wouldn’t want to miss that.