obviously the right way to protest genocide is to quietly wait fifty years and admit that genocide was bad and we can't let it happen again. and when another one happens, you wait another fifty years and admit that genocide was bad and we can't let it happen again. and then

wait is it called jergens cause guys jerg off with it

Dentist: have you been flossing?

*mouth pooling with blood*
Me: most definitely

Want to humble yourself? Try drinking from a wide-mouth canteen in a moving car

I am so sick of the moral panic about everything but killing people.

the #greysanatomy cameos go crazy

i’m as happy about this as you are

the answer is we’re not, we’re not supposed to operate normally, but we can’t despair.

linktr.ee/palestineasdiq…

“look between this key and that key” OR i can look between your ears because your skull is brain barren

this is actually strega nonna and chef boyardee’s son

really worried about where this email is going

giving up coffee is so easy!! all you have to do is take a 3-4 hour nap in the middle of the day instead

Can’t pay teachers, can’t house the homeless, can’t provide healthcare, can’t invest in useful infrastructure of any kind, can’t can’t can’t but:

Happy 4/20 from some guy you went to high school with’s Facebook page

everyone have fun today! just don’t get high and think about the concept of twins for too long

scary day today :( was held up by swifties. i’m ok now though

Comedy in 2014: you don’t want to get seen too early!

Comedy in 2024: aw man I should’ve started posting TikToks when I was 7

I’m on last nights episode of Elsbeth !!! What a dream it was to play a Russian instagram model named Irina.

Stream it on Paramount+ if you want :)❤️