Actual true story: had to take the long way round to Tesco today, as there was a man stood in middle of my usual shortcut alleyway with his #JohnsonOut.

Please record the awkward moment when you tell them you’ve spent most of your career campaigning to have people from Eastern Europe deported.😉

Stayin' Alive (Or Not, I Don't Really Care) How Deep is Your Grave? Night Fever (With Dry Persistent Cough) #BorisPartyLockdownTunes #JohnsonOut #PartyGate #DowningStreetParties

The manager of Aldershot Town, Mark Molesley, has given surely the greatest football interview ever:

"Well, that's me f*cked 'till giro day." #DavidCameron

#ambushedwithacake #ambushedbyacake #partygate

This is still the best Joe Rogan take

#Prosecco #PartyGate #DowningStreetParties

I had a nightmare last night that Captain Tom came back, but he was evil and had long black hair. He started walking around his garden backwards to undo all the good. He could only be stopped by angling mirrors to focus sunlight on him until he caught fire.

As replied to a WhatsApp crypto scammer by unwitting Twitch streamer Moises Bournigal Poor chap.

#matthancock

youtube.com/watch?v=M7QiVl… #nigelfarage #brexit #MothersDay

Carlton must condemn

Continued adventures of Moises Bournigal