Mexican food came straight from God's pharmacy.

My mind is always willing but my body keeps telling me to fuck off

Thinking of buying a horse... ...and a sword.

It’s Friday babes you gotta do some suckin n fuckin

I just learned that I can walk and pour box wine into my mouth at the same time.

If you're behind on child support, shut the fuck up

call me crazy but i believe we all deserve someone who will love and want us for the disaster we are

I perpetuate something. What it is I don’t actually know.

Getting in and out of a huge Chevy, Tahoe in high heels all the fucking time is a workout. *Adds working out to the résumé.

Your social skills are ghastly. Wanna be my bf?

I went from using an electric blanket at the beginning of the week, to getting out a fan and cracking a window tonight because the PNW loves to go from not to hot faster than an the inside of a pizza roll.

Yea, I'll kiss the fuck out of you.

Don't believe the hype, being 40 something ain't shit.

Do you actually like my tweets? Or you only heart them cause you want to fuck me.

I should go to bed before the sun tells me off

If your penis doesn’t have the beautifully sculpted helmet… Please don’t bother tagging me.

I need my hand wrapped around your neck.

Yo!