I’m ready to adopt a child.

a drunk cig to me is like giving a mouse a cookie

Instead of cereal can I just have a big bowl of hot cheetos n cheese in the morning?

To the doctor that told me if I get my tonsils removed I wouldn’t get strep throat again…you have some explaining to do

I just want to be tucked into bed and fed 3-4 times a day. Is that too much to ask for!?

I gotta get sexier and make better art

I’m on my 4th serving of pasta without any sign of stopping. Should I be worried?

Doing production really has me out here wanting to redo my entire room and then return it after 30 days

I hope Amazon doesn’t ban me for the amount of monthly returns I make

I need to stop mixing my drinks and eating tacos at 4am

Damn that turkey put me right to sleep

sagittarius placements being bad at texting back is probably one of the most true sign-based stereotypes

I’ve come to the conclusion that I truly cannot just have one drink

Whenever it’s raining I get the weirdest urge to go lay in a puddle

stop telling everyone everything

I need a heated blanket and a foot rub right now