When my kid asks me when he’s getting a phone

People keep asking me “what’s the deal with Kanye?” And I’m all “what do you mean? I don’t know of any deals with Kanye…”

Sunset dance

קער א וועלט היינט?

What do you call a male drama queen?

Remember kids, it’s New Year’s Eve, not New Year’s Steve!

How are corn nuts still a thing but Firefly only had one season?!

I’m a bad chassid והמבין יבין

Pharaoh: You guys are lazy! No one wants to work anymore!

תרס״ו = 666

What’s the experiential (etc.) difference between memories (I remember this happening to me) vs knowledge (I know this happened to me)?

"Every fast day we are treated to a bevy of thinkpieces about how G-d doesn't care about us fasting nearly as much as he does us feeding and clothing the poor. The TaNaCh may have made such arguments in 827 BCE, but that simply isn't the way we celebrate Judaism anymore."

Hamas naming their massacre "Al Aqsa Flood" after the world's greatest symbol of colonialism, while claiming the Jews are the colonizers, is peak irony.

Friendly reminder, every news source, and large social media account coming out of Gaza has been vetted by or an actual mouthpiece for Hamas. There is zero freedom of the press and a complete clampdown on any sort of dissent.

amen

Back before 1948 when all the Jews and Muslims lived together in glorious sparkling magical harmony

"I can't believe the Seder wasn't about me, it's crazy how Jews make everything that happened to them about themselves."

🎶When the Jews exist When the Zionists pray When I'm feeling sad I simply remember my favorite things And then I don't feel so bad🎶

"Right now we stand here as men who refute their Jewishness and the Churban being hijacked by Mordechai and Esther, which has led to conflict for so many innocent people." ~Yonatan Glazer, 16th of Adar 352 BCE

Jews have accepted any modicum of freedom in the hope of a better future. Palestinians have refused every modicum of freedom in the hope of a perfect future.