Finding a new barber is harder than finding a girlfriend

I was told he’ll ask for some jam

I really hope a group of possums is called a posse

tonight will be the night where i attempt to karaoke todd terje inspector norse

What’s whoville like in the summertime?

Just realized my children will be ginger bred men

It’d be great if you could text ‘stop’ to people to opt of their texts

Rental cars are so hot rn

Goofy boys up in Q1

normalize asking bartenders if they’ve “heard any rumours lately” so they can give you a fun little side quest

Working on being financially responsible by microdosing Costco

Somehow I’ve ended up at Coachella, wondering why I’ve done this to myself

What’s e-mail speak for “you’re a fucking idiot for rejecting this offer”

Silly goose summer is right around the corner

Sex is cool, but has your fig tree ever sprouted new growth?

Gonna write a children’s book, “how to ease your parents into mushrooms”

I just fuckin love jazz

They should let off the air take over for a week or so