Moms be like “you’ll regret this when I’m dead!” Me, as a curious child, grabs a knife for science….

Every time I pass a bitch in a Subaru I think to myself, yep, that math adds

Women like damaged men cause they think they can fix them, I like damaged women cause I like my women damaged, we are not the same

Women that have had so much work done that they look like Saw love to tell you how little work they’ve had done

Go head and shoot your shot so I can go ahead and shoot mine… all over your face

I’m Greek and Italian, my genes are superior to all you clowns… and I only wear Lucky jeans

Me flirting with short chicks- So what do you do for fun besides standing on your tip toes

Me Flirting- I like that metal booger thing you have hanging there

It’s not my fault your breath smells like you give dogs colonoscopies with your mouth all day

Y’all see the neck on that shooter?? Gotta watch out for them longnecks they’re legit unstable

“It’s a long weekend” Me describing my entire life

The last thing I will ever be to a woman I’m trying to sleep with is nice…

Looks like my ex’s family is on another family vacation

I’m not like most men, when I play 18 holes I mean 9 women

I have never asked any woman to call me Daddy and have yet to meet one that hasn’t

Why this chair look like it just got it’s lips done

How these broads look after gettin lip injections

Giggles when she finds out I just banged a new chick…

I write people off like they’re fucking tax deductions