RT @zkenne1 "sometimes you can't run from your feelings" this was the case last night involving a puking feeling at reggie's

I dont see what the big deal is? Everyone at this point has a sex tape

Sorry the only way I thought you'd understand it's over was to see me with your little sister

That was the most fun I've ever had on the drunk bus.

$500 fine, contributing to the delinqency of minors, othr charges, and now I'm locked out of my apt and it's raining FML

I dont remember her name but i remember her face when she found out I was hooking up with her sister

I seriously put my penis in time out for the week after last night. The chick ate like everything in my fridge!

All joking aside though, you need to return my neighbors cat. And wash off all the marker. Thanks

Just found a handle of crown in the microwave and there is a strange bike in the kitchen. Yours?

Let me put it this way, if vh1 comes out with a 3rd season of tool academy, he would be a candidate.

Jason's car is in the impound, charlie says he knows how to open the gate and that the night officer is always asleep right now. You in?

IDK where he is. He took some sort of horse tranquilizer so he probably didnt make it very far

So I'm hose sitting for my ex and me and david got drunk last night and shaved her cat to look like a lion. You have to come see

Just had a exam, english paper due and my gf found out abt me and her best friend. I know how Kanye West's PR guy feels

the whole time all i could picture was Kanye West barging in and saying "imma let you finish but I already hooked up with her"

Dont freak out but someone installed a condom dispenser in our bathroom. I think its stolen so keep this on the DL

Wait since when do strippers demand respect? Tell her to get her friends and come back to the hotel room, now!

We are both in our boxers in the lobby right now and david just threw up in the giant fountain

Its official, cops/security are looking for us now

Taylor thought it would be funny to piss in the display toilets at the hardware store. Hes being arrested right now.