Randomly, I'll think of Eric Andre asking Lance Reddick "Do you think Justin Bieber sprays his DNA all over the ladies when he's in Paris, France" and it makes me laugh out loud no matter where I am. Case in point: just now, at the diner.

I love #StarTrekTheNextGeneration so much. #TNG

I don't know why I'm so weirdly inconsistent - I can't bother to walk around my block most days, but I'm in town to see Ace Frehley and my parking spot was so good that I decided to go to a diner that was about a 25 minute walk away. I feel jazzed, but puzzled.

The way women talk about the pain of childbirth makes me 100% sure they've never farted while coughing while sitting down.

2 NEW identities, #Rockies spring training coverage, and a #cringe #YardGoats moment! NEW EPISODE of the #GoatGazette is out NOW! Please show some support by clicking the link below and liking the video on YouTube. ⤵️ youtu.be/epH1xH8UK4Y Minor League Baseball #NoGoatsNoGlory

My 15th anniversary at my job is Sunday, and I'm on the fence: obviously, it takes some gumption to stick with any job/career that long, but I also feel like the biggest fuckin' loser around because I feel like I have almost nothing to show for my time.

To be fair, they don't say it has a FULL slice of American cheese, so it's not REALLY a lie/ripoff, right, McDonald's?

It's here! Hartford Yard Goats Media Day from a die hard fan perspective! Here is the link to the new #GoatGazette! ⤵️ youtu.be/GTZiXWglplU Player access, on field broadcasting, and an interview with #YardGoats Manager #ChrisDenorfia! #NoGoatsNoGlory #Rockies

Lol So much about having kids seems like it sucks

I wish I had the intestinal fortitude to kill myself. But since I probably wouldn't even be able to do that right, I'm stuck

Imagine doing 23 and Me, or using Ancestry.com and finding out that you're part Hispanic or part black - what if you're not ready to have every single phone conversation in a public place on speakerphone?

#TheAcolyte isn't quite as awful as some critics make it out to be (at least, the first 2 episodes). However, it's definitely super-meh. Having said that, I'll watch Ep 3 tonight because I've heard it's quite terrible, so we'll see.

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I know I'm a bit of a weirdo, but I want Sophie Cunningham to give me a big boot followed by an Atomic Leg Drop in the worst way Sophie Cunningham