You haven't lived until you've been physically escorted out of McDonalds at 4:47am by a 15 year old

It's QAF kind of night. My buddy says I'm old. Like look, fool, you're in the club every fucking weekend and you're still single. 😂

“David simonian: Regan hey handsome, pic.x.com/FJ9xmzPEiP” well hello David!

I might live tweet my shower.

Really, cat? #kittyboy 😹

Bud light lime. In case you're that jacked up to take literally 30 secs to squeeze one in yourself.

I don't need citrus flavored anythang.

I just can't imagine life without sticky rice.

Just met some tourists from Portugal and couldn't resist asking them about there famed sausages.

Being taught how to play video games is the equivalent of putting a nude chic in bed with me. No idea wtf I'm doing. Ha

If everyone seems like an asshole maybe it's you.

Sometimes I dunno how stuff ends up in my phone. 😅

Hung up like a horse.

Somebody take that bitch's phone away before she takes another pic of something. She'd snap a pic of air if she could find it 😠

Don't let the smooth taste fool ya. My yard bird made me a boca burger with soy bacon. Omfg. SO GOOD!

Just witnessed a break up while out having dinner. Tears, drama, the whole 9. I do not wish that kind of pain even on my worst enemy. Damn.

This doesn't look good.

I had kalua pig nachos with salmon salsa for dinner tonight. I want to marry the fucking chef. 😋

Buying a whole fucking cow would be cheaper. 😅🐄