how a workday feels when no bosses are around:

having a br**ding k*nk is so confusing. like get me pregnant but don’t get me pregnant but like do it but seriously… don’t..

Nothing more embarrassing than messing up at work and getting the “just a friendly reminder for everyone” email… like ok just say it’s about me and cc my ancestors

when they're talking to me but I dissociated for a second and now I don't know what they're saying

as an oldest daughter you need a partner that is useful #noshade

I love saying “sounds good” at work and dont shit sound good

making new friends in adulthood is so funny because by then there’s so much lore that they missed out on and they just sit there gagged at everything you’ve experienced

When you fake call in sick and your boss responds with "Yeah you have been looking rough lately"

I like how Rue doesn't look like Zendaya, and Zendaya doesn't look like Rue. They are like two different people.

hate having a bad bitch on follow back like sis i ain’t even see you fr

You can excite a woman by showing her a wraparound porch or an extremely deep bathtub

If I'm already so nostalgic at 23 what will I do when I'm 70

the AUDACITY of my body to be tired after i gave it 8 hours of sleep. like bro i gave you everything.

they’re gonna be mad as fuck when they cut into my wedding cake and it’s mango sticky rice flavoured

When a man is making you uncomfortable but you can't say anything cause what if he kills you for hurting his feelings

Logging onto the dark web tomorrow (Teams, Outlook, and Excel).