i'm just the messenger don't shoot me

alternating between listening to Drake and Kanye is heavily underrated

haven't taken a math test in so long that I miss the frustration and satisfaction

today was a good day when I realized that white people sit at the campfire wishing their marshmallows get to my skin color

tiny robotic spiders that put your contacts in for you

there's so much

I don't joke around.

massage chair but for ur face

type every letter on ur keyboard left to right in order and youll make a bunch of words

bottle of juice with a net at the top instead of a cap

velcro-able pillow sheets so you don't have to stuff each pillow inside.

you ever buy shorts that might not look fly but they feel fly asf?

sometime u just hav to watch t v and chew on the dried fig

if ur in a huddle for a sport you need the ball in your hands to talk Josh Miller

they need to make shorts that lengthen when u sit down and shorten when u stand up

music starts playing in the car as soon as you sit in the driver's seat based on your mood that your brain signals no need for aux

I’ve never wanted to try anything more than the lotus flower from Percy Jackson when Poker Face is playing in the back 🪷

they should have an empty space between each step on the escalator. because imagine someone standing on the step right behind you and when you glance back they're right there breathing down your neck

life isn't about achieving success it's about achieving flyness

ain't nothing more embarrassing than fucking up at the grocery store and hearing, "Help is on the way"