I don’t know why Chicken Little Josh Hawley is trending, but you guys crack me up 🤣

Only in Texas can the beautiful, steady sound of rain be disrupted by… LAWNMOWERS.

Randall the giant baby dinosaur!!

Apparently these republicans have decided to take “eating each other alive” to a whole other, literal level. WTAF.

I’ve been working on this massive project for months, now connecting the final pieces. IT. IS. HOT. 🥵 It’s looking much cooler than I expected, though I still think it’s ugly 🤣
Check it out!!

Thank you RNC debate for reminding me why we decided to take out a second mortgage to send our LGBTQ kid to a private university. Jfc. LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE FFS!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! Tina Fey, don’t let me down girl!!

I have officially reached a wide enough audience to get regular follows from bots.

Look Ma, I made it to the big time!! Woohoo!!!

Let this be a lesson to all, never pretend you are above Rep. Jamie Raskin in ANY respect or situation. You will fail, and look impressively foolish in the process.

Ope!! Well that was easy!!!

WTAF is this shit Elon Musk ??? Promoting this shit definitely won’t hurt any actual people! LIKE YOUR OWN CHILD FOR INSTANCE.

The most ridiculously adorable thing I’ve ever seen on the internet ever ever ♥️

Guys, MAGA IS RIGHT:

My daughter cracked open her Halloween KitKat and 4 kilos of cocaine, a bag of razor blades, an un-sexy green M&M, and Hunter Biden’s Laptop came spilling out.

Well this just blows. Thank you for the years and years of laughter Matthew!!

I want to invite jackantonoff to Thanksgiving so we can be bff’s and dance obnoxiously to music at 1,000. Bring the fam to Co. Springs!!

“Mom can you see if I left my lemur fur on my nightstand?”

Having kids can be so weird.

My favorite game of the year is #GBvsDEN . I wish it was a snow globe game, but this will do!! #GoPackGo !

I don’t suppose anyone knows what German Sausage Balls are?? That’s what my son-in-law is requesting for Thanksgiving and I’m at a complete loss 🤷‍♀️

Yup. Exactly.

Hey DoorDash ! WTF is this that just came attached to my order?? When did you start trafficking in TRASH??