I'm glad we arn't 100 percent sure what dinosaurs looked like. That's none of our business.

I’m doing the lords work (judging)

“Honey, iron my nicest hat I have a meeting with God” - The Pope (I assume)

Let me be the first to say happy Halloween and some of you might say no actually my friend already told me that but I am talking about 30 years from now

Tip: pee on the divider wall between urinals to avoid splash back

Economy tip: instead of calling dollars bucks we should change it to ducks as in “that house will be 500,000 ducks please”. In the animal kingdom ducks are much smaller than bucks which means that an individual could own substantially more ducks which would likely reduce poorness

I suffered from erectile dysfunction for many years. My wife and i were at the end of our rope! I tried everything: testosterone, pills, diet, exercise, even hypnosis! Nothing worked. Until I discovered 1 Crazy Life Hack that gets me rock stiff every time. kissing and fucking men

nice intellectual property bro. too bad im thinking about it

my problem with fuck marry kill is if i’m busy fucking and killing its not necessarily the best time to also plan a wedding

Why do people drown like just drink the water if you can’t swim it is not that complex

Boutta drink me one dem negro knee sparkly autos

For every retweet I will donate $10,000 to Afghanistan but be careful because I might be giving it to the Taliban there’s only one way to find out *shrug emoji*

penis butter and jizzy sammich

Texting the homies “on my way” as I pull up in the driveway so I can sit alone in my car for 15 mins