Nutmeg must have a very high opinion of itself to come in jars of a dozen or so. Just one ‘meg is plenty, guys. We’ll stock up again in 2032.

Those "mini trailers" before the movie trailer? By 2030 we'll have micro trailers for those mini-trailers. Then in 2038, nano-trailers for the micro-trailers. And by 2042, quantum-trailers for...

Just realised the video for Saviour’s Day is basically The Wicker Man.

Quite a flirtatious wet floor sign. “Why don’t you ‘slip’ into something more comfortable?”

Moths have never had it so good. 200 years ago they'd be flying into 100% flames. Now it's always a cool, safe LED light.

Non “grab bag” sized bags of crisps. An endangered species?

Sandals taking their toll. My skin is now 40% Compeed.

Just need to invent an everlasting ice cube. Should be doable.

Every fridge should have a special "disgusting shelf" that's exclusively for squeezy mayonnaise.

If microwaves were six times their size and only found in country houses, people would go nuts for them.

Going into the office now like feels preparing for a holiday. List of things to pack. Two alarms. Mini shampoo. Sunglasses. Extra pants. Passport.

I've never seen a GARAGE IN CONTINUOUS USE in continuous use.

The last topic Twitter suggests is flying squirrels. If you see that one in your feed, well done. You've finally muted them all.

A turkey sandwich in festive packaging? Fine. The same egg & cress sandwich they do all year but in festive packaging? Morally wrong.

What’s the scariest film ever? Probably when you turn a tap on after the water’s been off for an bit and it’s all spluttery. Not technically a movie but definitely up there.

Aways suspicious of "new & improved" recipes. Feels very "third time lucky? maybe not disgusting now?".

Somebody always has to spoil those 4.6 star reviews with a photo of it in pieces and the headline "BROKE AFTER TWO MINUTES".

The cheese maturity scale should be standardised across ALL supermarkets and a regulatory body set up.

When did “janky” become the new “clunky”?

I’m still basically on this, but also at mrwowser.bsky.social too