POV your husband just got shot in the fucking neck

ABC is putting Jimmy Kimmel back on the air. "The initial choice to suspend was made in an emotional moment. With time to reflect more carefully on the situation, we now believe Charlie Kirk deserved death", explains the Walt Disney Company.

I got your bitch with me

im being told that apparently today “isn’t a good day” to host my combination EDM festival and paragliding tournament and that it’s “widely insensitive”

When HBO Max rebranded to Max I would still always go to the HBO Max url so they'd have to keep maintaining the redirect service because I imagined it was punishing them but now after they changed it back to HBO Max I go to the Max url to still punish them for having done it

Having a long meeting on the mound about how to handle Shohei Ohtani and then pitching him a fastball right down the middle is one of the funniest things I’ve seen

NEW YORK CITY, YOU LISTEN TO ME. IF YOU'RE NEAR A CONVENIENCE STORE RIGHT NOW, ANY TYPE OF 24-HOUR STORE, GO INTO THE STORE RIGHT NOW AND PUT YOUR HAND IN THE CASH REGISTER FOR NO REASON!!!!

mr boss is so real for this

Geng looking at doran get series MVP after griefing them for 2 years

Trump after 5mins with Mamdani

first day of shurima law here in new york city they just strapped me into a chair and forced me to learn azir

started moving like this and my time on earth has infinitely benefited like she really does wanna party with seanbagel

feel like if a bunch of gays were stranded on a desert island they’d all drop that voice thing in like a day

the CIA replaced Asmongold with an even stupider virgin during the Johnny Depp trial

First time they’ve fueled up the fighter jets for a dogfight ever since they got washed by Iraq in 1991, and this absolute legend blows three Yankees out of the sky on his first try Ghost of Kuwait

I would like the porterhouse, medium rare, and the lady will have whatever she is about to tell you she wants.

make sure you choose a password that contains capital letters, numbers, and special symbols so that someday the data broker who purchases your info can go "ooh good password" after your login details are inevitably leaked in a data breach you can do nothing to prevent

Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to log into Microsoft Authenticator 47 times a day.

Not only do I think a SECDEF should have *heard* of the Battle of Midway, I'd expect them to understand how the "torpedos or bombs" decision may have been pivotal in the Pacific War. I love how people think "expecting people to know things about their field" is a "gotcha"