murderer: run if you want to live me: *starts sprinting* murderer: not like toward me tho

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

THEM: please don’t take this personally ME: best I can do is immediately take it extra personally

I'm afraid if I go to the Barbie movie, she'll turn toward the audience, point at me, and scream, "YOU! You ripped my head off in 1963!"

When you leave your dog alone for a minute.. 😅

Photographer Douglas Croft took this photo from a porthole near the waterline on another boat and captured this amazing perspective of a humpback whale breaching [read more: buff.ly/3iEHjjI] [author's site: douglascroftimages.com]

Oooh sorry, this weekend’s not great for me. Friday I’m busy unclenching my jaw from *last* week, Saturdays are only 45 minutes long, and Sunday I’m totally tied up having a series of panic attacks about *next* week soooo…

This will warm your heart! 🤗 x.com/lalinehome/sta…

A Brit accepting a compliment: “I like your coat” “What? This old rag? Don’t be silly. It cost 2p. I’ve had it ten years. I found it in a bin. It’s a load of tat. Thank you, though!”

It's a wonderful world. #nature #NaturePhotography #flowers

David Zinn temporary street drawings are composed entirely of chalk and charcoal, and often decorate walls and streets elements

The story of Jadav Payeng, the man who planted one tree every day for 37 years on Majuli Island. He has now created a forest and wildlife reserve twice the size of Central Park in New York

Was standing in my front yard last night and some neighborhood kids tried to deflate me.

The bird feeder

Wow!

[Interview room] Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present Cop: You ARE the lawyer Me: So where's my present?!