I know there are more important things to be worried about, but I saw a woman in Chipotle putting Kool-Aid powder on an individually wrapped pickle and I can’t stop thinking about it.

Still trying to wrap my mind around the idea that armed terrorists storming the US Capitol to try to overturn a free and fair election is...patriotic.

Of all the batshit crazy takes I've heard today, I think "this was Antifa dressed like Trump supporters" may just be the bat shittiest.

I applaud the people brave enough to leave the Trump administration now. It takes courage. After airline flights, I too have been known to unbuckle my seatbelt moments before the aircraft has "come to a complete stop," so I have experienced this level of courage first hand.

Hello I am brand new to Twitter, what are you guys up to

Just watched President Donald J. Trump & Michelle Obama dancing in their seats to Hamilton. brb crying forever.

Browns front office deciding if they never draft a player, they can't screw up the pick. Unconventional but not wrong.

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction and petition and US Uncut video and gofundme page.

Voted but not posting a picture because I want you to believe in me. #havefaithgirl #imwithus

Serpentine, Babou! Serpentine! #GoT

Indians and Blue Jays in hour 6 of their game with the score tied 1-1 and a shortstop is pitching. Who says baseball is boring?

For real, that strike zone though... #WorldSeries

Mike Pence, my wife's out of town and I made way too much quinoa. Want to come over? We don't have to be alone anymore. The Vice President

Cut off by young guy in BMW with Michigan plates and a Make America Great Again hat. That's some next level trolling, universe. Well played.

I thought FaceApp was neat until I tried the "hot" setting and it made me white. Really wish I was joking.

50/50 this lyft driver is kidnapping me. I still like my chances.

“I hope the news of him paying off a porn star doesn’t distract from the news of him calling non-white countries shitholes” is a sentence we can now say about the President of the United States

Can we get a suggestion of how to get paid for improv? Nick Casalini Randolph Thompson MURIEL MONTGOMERY @NerdistSchool @WhatsaCreative

She said do you love me, I tell her only partly. I only love my bed, and my momma, and getting unexpected package deliveries, and Die Hard With A Vengeance, and those mini cheese wheels