*playing a game* *me pulling my secondary weapon and shooting the enemy* Basketball referee:

Dog Shit: *exists* Dogs:

Plastic: *exists* Babies:

Me: *types “chrome download” into browser* Microsoft edge ads:

When your friend Celia tries to start a French Revolution with Julius Caesar through politics and the use of domesticated birds

Nobody: Bowling alley screen when you get a strike:

Abe Lincoln: *enjoying a nice play* John Wilkes Booth:

Lennie: Tell me about the rabbits, George. George:

I hit her with the “poggers” She hit me with the “what does that mean” Alexa play marvins room

The Nerf™ N-Strike Elite Tactical Vest stays on during sex

Talking about animals with the homies: “I love raccoons. I’ve killed a racoon.” “What??” “Yeah. I was in a 45, speeding but only like 55, yknow. There’s a guy tailgating me. Then this racoon comes out in front of me and it fucking froze so I just decided it would have to die.”

I have never been more angry than I have at call of duty

No one touches the Shaqtus

Just saw pictures of 4 missing persons in CT, and someone said “dream blunt rotation”

**BCS 603 SPOILERS** One of the best monologues I have seen in a very long time. Absolutely brilliant performance by the extraordinary Michael Mando I was cheering the entire time until, you know, that one part. #BetterCallSaul #NachoVarga

A funeral director but they only wear a T-shirt that says “paused my game to be here”

Ron Perlman calls out the studio exec who wants to drag the strikes out until people start losing their houses "We know who said that and where he fucking lives ... you wish that families starve while you’re making 27-fucking-million a year for creating nothing? Be careful