Mum… dad… I’m glutes.

We don’t talk enough about how good Argos is I just went in and got a slow cooker and the game Twister summoned to me in the space of 2 minutes. Truly the Mary Poppins handbag of the retail landscape!

Am I the only one that deeps it when I’m at the end on the conga line and no one joins after me?

A message from our Foreign Secretary, who is, as she might say, winning at life. I KNOW!!

Love going into a massive supermarket and asking someone who works there 'so.. what have you got?' :)

paddington bear has come out as bi

People with perfect eyesight should be taxed for it

nemesis inferno at thorpe park has run out of petrol

What happens to all the clothes at the dry cleaners that never get collected? Pixar should make a film about it

Red (Garfield’s Version)

Spencer is the feel-good Xmas romcom of the year. 5*

Wordle 200 5/6 So proud, might get this tattooed on my left thigh. Thoughts? ⬜🟨🟨⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜🟨🟨 🟨🟨⬜⬜⬜ 🟩⬜⬜🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Wordle 202 4/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜🟩⬜⬜ 🟨🟩🟩🟩🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 The aesthetics on this one 👌

Getting covid now feels so passé it’s like I’ve just discovered the sneezing panda video

Catching covid for a 2nd time means I’ve made it onto Covid All Stars

Why does my phone need to autocorrect omw to On my way! makes me sound like I’m galloping in on horseback

To whoever makes those clever WeTransfer pages: We see you, we love you, we appreciate you ❤️ keep it up sweetie you're doing amazing

What in the David Brent is this

Doing a character at this lovely comedy night in Hackney tomorrow - it’s gonna be silly fun x

Morrisons you’ve baked a tin into my Quiche Lorraine. It was already in a tin I didn’t need more tin. Valuable Lorraine space replaced with hard metal. Dinner is ruined. Kids are distraught.