“I’m not drinking tonight” My friend: Me:

fuck that gut feeling i’m damn near psychic

I think i owe myself one bad decision before the year ends, just one

Another year of being a silly billy

romanticize the small things in ur life so u never have a moment that isnt filled with something to feel happy over

something so embarrassing about stepping out in january with fresh shoes. oooh did u get those for xmas??? did santa bring u those???? mortifying

calling my best friend to tell her i did what she told me not to do

Being a man must be so easy all you have to do is get trims and lie

“that’s just how i am” bitch u suck fix it😭

i haaate when people don’t get my sarcasm cause now i sound like a bully

u know you're traumatized when a guy treats u right and u think it's a joke

sometimes all you need is your delusional friend

if you have to ask for dates or flowers just find a new man

A baby flamingo learning how to stand on one leg. x.com/SlenderSherbet…

Sea otter making her sleeping child comfortable 📹 Seamus Kirst

"Sorry can't come out tonight, super busy"

Cat on memory foam

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit