Being into guys and smoking weed is a ridiculous combo! It really is! I just tried to smoke some of the kief from my grinder, but I ended up contacting Keith from Grindr! Yup. It's official. Marijuana mixed with an interest in men is a recipe for disaster! Hijinks WILL ensue.

"what are your hobbies: -UNGODLY PATTERN RECOGNITION -AGGRESSIVE ACTIVE QUESTIONING -SILENT OBSERVATION -REAL TIME THEORY BUILDING -BEHAVORIAL ANALYSIS -MICRO EXPRESSION DECODING -POST CONVERSATION AUTOPSY"

I’ve got a great idea… Just rename this app to ‘HATE’

This was about 6 extra large fedex boxes of shit but I feel more sane now

I think he’s trying to get voted in for a 3rd term by those who yearn to try a crème brûlée pod for the first time

One time my cat’s nipple just fell off, and I learned that’s apparently something that just …. Happens

Dude thought my name was HVAC

Hitting the notification button on the Twitter app like a DJ hits the cue button on a CDJ

I was temporarily banned from reporting racists earlier but I’m back