Threatened my coworkers with Solo Leveling spoilers if they didn't end their extended break. One of them just told me the pancit and lumpia I buy from his mom went up in price. This is a retaliatory tariff.

*Slamming my fist down on the table* "She's not your best friend! I'm your best friend! She's just your wife!"

One of my favorite bits in an anime is when a character breaks for a moment and goes "Tch."

Showing up to the function with my own hot sauce.

Can't even browse twitter during jury duty for fear that the old guy next to me might catch a glimpse of some big naturals and have a heart attack or worse...

You can make 3 pounds of carnitas for like... $6. That's carnitas for days.

When you're being mean to me, this is who you're being mean to.

They told me male pattern baldness isn't a legit reason to apply for MAiD.

How do other white guys keep failing upwards? What am I doing wrong?

This sounds like something Asmongold would say if he drank water.

I keep seeing people associate SEA with this post and it keeps reminding me of this story from The Atlantic: theatlantic.com/magazine/archi…

Me after 100% deviating from the original recipe: "This doesn't taste like I thought it would."

Targeted ads now that I'm single.

It feels like you all got the same therapist from Betterhelp.

Two dudes come by my work everyday. They both look and dress like David Foster Wallace. My need to know if they're best friends, brothers or boyfriends increases every time.

Laying on the couch with Wicked Games by Chris Isaak on repeat for six hours. My family, "What's wrong with you?"

The longer I'm single the more I think about what I even have to offer another person.

How do you tell someone you want to lick their skin off? Respectfully.